Saturday, June 9, 2007

And Life Goes On...

Well, I can confidently say that I have no regrets leaving the religion. The freedom that I feel is something so new to me, so exhilarating. I can be whatever I choose to be. I am considering finishing school, I am so close to my degree. My mortgage has been approved and so for the first time I will own my home, small as it may be. My daughter will hopefully be with me for 3-4 days per week. She is the most precious thing that I have right now.

Tonight though I am especially lonely. I want a close relationship with a good woman, something that I have never really had. My relationships were always poisoned by the demands of the religion or my parents restrictions. Now for the first time I can have a mature relationship. I want it badly. In many ways I feel that spirituality is closely connected to finding love, love that is between friends which I do have, and the strongest friendship of them all; one that involves romance. Maybe these words all sound a bit desperate, it is hard not to be after so many years of sensory and sexual deprivation. I want everything that comes with female companionship. I have no desire to put anything ahead of a relationship. It is that important to me. It was one reason for quitting the JWs, it just so happened that the only thing holding my marriage together was obligations imposed by the JWs and saving face before the congregation. So I guess what I am trying to say is that while most things in my life is going quite well, one thing is missing. There is a hole that at times like now feels especially deep.


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