What I mean

I thought that it would be a good idea to post a little about my background since so many issues are raised by my last post. The blogger "candidlynuts" posts resonate with me because our experiences as children are somewhat similar. I was raised in the cult that she describes. And was subjected to some of the worst this religion has to offer. So often while I was young I questioned it. But I had nowhere to turn. No outside sources of information. Or at least none that I was not afraid to seek help from. (Yes cults can be that controlling.) As time went on it came to control nearly everything I did. However trying to be a rational person, I looked for ways around the rules. The ways that I found helped me deal with the rules I couldn't circumvent. About six years ago I began to investigate the true origins and belief system of this religion. But fear caused me to take no more than a passing glance at the theology behind it. The fear that grips one when they have been taught and indoctrinated to believe that even questioning thoughts will be punished by God is incredibly powerful. However, eleven years ago I had been appointed as what is called an elder, but which would pass for a pastor in most Christian religions. Acting in that role I felt that it was NECESSARY to be absolutely certain of anything and everything that I taught. Further, I had access to confidential documents that the rank and file JWs never see. So I went back to the research believing that I had a moral obligation to do so. I already knew some of how irrational this religion is.

My investigation has been thorough. There are books on the subject. I have not only read them but developed friendships with some of the authors. I have searched high and low. And my discovery was plain and simple: This religion is a destructive "end-times" cult. It has many faces which often mask its true nature in ways that groups like the Branch Davidians do not. (For any interested I can go into this further in another post or privately.) When I saw this I completely changed my method of operations. I would normally have left. But I was married into it. My little girl's welfare was at stake. My parents would be heartbroken. (The marriage was loveless but loyalty demanded that I stick with it until I could bring her out, and conclude matters in a way that was mutually beneficial, which I think has been accomplished except for a few formalities.) So I began to play a more dangerous game. I am a person of conscience and I could not violate it. But as an influential elder in my congregation and circuit it was easy to "play both sides."

So I began doing things to undermine the "organization" as it is called. Including but not limited to bending the harsh disciplnary rules to show kindness to people still in.

Additionally I knew that when affairs came to a head, as seems to be right now, I wanted to have a circle of friends and another life. When JWs are disciplined ALL of their close and lifelong friends completely disown them. I could not undergo that pain without support. So I got involved in my community. One avenue that I went into was PTA activities. I am eternally grateful to the wonderful people that I have met in that endeavor. More than I can ever put into words. I have now reached the point where I am only on the WT Society's rolls so as not to break my Mom's heart. My heart is no longer there and will NEVER go back. I resigned as an elder in protest, submitted an anonymous letter (http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/12/127812/1.ashx) (http://p196.ezboard.com/Resignation-of-an-Elder/fexjehovahswitnessforumfrm14.showMessage?topicID=356.topic) which I'm sure no one paid attention to and am no longer involved with the cult. My daughter is quickly forgetting all of the things that she heard there as she is just ten.

This is a condensed version of my story as the full version would fill a small novel. I post at a major site and have written and continue to write many pieces there for people to see. For those interested it is www.jehovahs-witness.com, and my handle is one that comes from my experiences and journey to enlightenment: truthsetsonefree.